tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1761114992758685769.post9209018912108833405..comments2018-06-06T01:24:26.938-04:00Comments on Dr. Jeremy Nicholson: Give Your Date A Cookie!Dr. Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00683427754780221956noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1761114992758685769.post-22642697905664676312011-04-12T22:20:25.666-04:002011-04-12T22:20:25.666-04:00My suggestion to Anonymous' question would be ...My suggestion to Anonymous' question would be to focus on the underlying motivations for her behaviour. Talk about what makes people happy and how it's not necessarily related to degrees. Is she doing something that's making her happy? Best question ever - if you could do whatever you want with your life without the risk of failure, what would that be. If she says "financial accountant" you may have to interpret that more graciously than if she says something more exciting, but it should always be related to some fundamental motivation of hers. If's actually doing something that's not in line at all with what she said she'd like to be doing, that may be why she's so focused on superficial success. In that case, I'd play a couple of games, possibly truth or dare with appropriate questions, to lighten the mood and get some idea about what kind of cookie she'd appreciate.Samnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1761114992758685769.post-33003831214362000522011-04-11T20:10:48.052-04:002011-04-11T20:10:48.052-04:00Excellent question. There are a lot of reinforcers...Excellent question. There are a lot of reinforcers (cookies) in the world. Sometimes people get focused on their "favorite" type of cookies. For example, some women initially look for attention or gifts from "success object" men as their "preferred" reinforcement. Just like some men look for attention or sex from blondes with large chests as their preferred "cookie".<br /><br />However, while a rabbit might initially "prefer" a carrot, it will also really enjoy lettuce too (if presented correctly). Similarly, men and women may have a preferred "cookie", but can also come to appreciate what you are bringing to the table as your own reinforcement. Just because someone thinks they want something, doesn't mean they can't be enticed by something else too!<br /><br />My advice then would be to be proud of the "cookies" you do have to offer. Be excited about yourself and get your date excited about your "cookies" too. Focus on your strengths. Perhaps you are a musician, or cook, handy around the house, or good at massage? Maybe you are a sparkling conversationalist or a good listener? All of these things can be "rewarding" for someone else.<br /><br />Also remember, to a degree you are shaping her behavior. So, it isn't as much about the "type" of cookie, as it is about when you're using it. If you "react" to her turning cold, you might reinforce that bad behavior and get it to continue. Instead, just assume everything is fine - and reward something good she is doing. At the very least, she is still sitting there, so give her some kind of "cookie" for that. Or, if she was "fun and flirty" earlier, bring her attention back to that...reinforce...and get the behavior going again. "You were really cute a moment ago when you said X...I like that (cookie)...let's talk about that some more".<br /><br />Remember, it is you who has the treat. You give it when they are behaving as you like. You withhold it when they are not. If a date turns cold, then she doesn't get a cookie until she smiles again. Her loss. Trust me, you don't really want to be bothered with a grump who doesn't have a "sweet tooth" for your cookies anyway...Dr. Nicholsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00683427754780221956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1761114992758685769.post-20278265727432146862011-04-11T18:24:45.532-04:002011-04-11T18:24:45.532-04:00Hmmm...So should I always bring a cookie to every ...Hmmm...So should I always bring a cookie to every first date?<br /><br />As a man, I have often experienced women "turning cold" on blind first dates when they find out I'm not the success object they expected. This happened to me more than once in Manhattan: the woman starts out smiling sweetly and being friendly and flirtatious, then she brings up careers and university degrees, and as she realizes I'm not the surgeon, or lawyer, or executive, or Ph.D. she was hoping for, her face goes blank and she starts looking bored. What's the best way to deal with that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1761114992758685769.post-50216132662279644032011-04-07T19:12:05.471-04:002011-04-07T19:12:05.471-04:00Very nice!Very nice!damianrfchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04492998216885328489noreply@blogger.com